Divorce Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Have A Baby

~Becoming A Choice Mom After Divorce

Guest Post by Susan Herrara

Divorce doesn't mean you can't have a childI will always remember the moment my ex-husband came home to tell me he didn’t want to be married anymore. Having come from a family with divorced parents, I was determined that it wasn’t going to happen to me.

I had done all the right things to ensure my ex and I were a solid match. We had been together for six years before we got married. I thought this was enough time to know that we loved each other, were compatible, and committed to each other.  But, of course, it takes two to make a commitment work.

I always marvel at people who are secure in the idea that divorce isn’t an option. I imagine that, for them, this is true and it is a blessing. I too felt that way going into my marriage.

But what if it wasn’t your choice and that decision was out of your control? What if your partner decided to walk away and there was nothing that you could do about it?

After my ex announced his decision, he moved out that night and never came back, despite my tears, pleading and heartache.

I had lost my marriage and, with it, my best friend. Within a few short months, my life was unrecognizable. In the midst of that blinding pain, I was beyond scared about my future. What would happen to me? Would I be ok? Could I survive (emotionally, financially)? Would I ever find love again?

But, long after I had answered those questions for myself, I still did not have an answer for the one question that was closest to my heart.

Would I fulfill my dream of becoming a mom?

Long after my divorce, as I approached my late 30s, that question still plagued me. Forget about dipping my toe (!), I had dunked my foot in to the dating pool and it had come out dry. There still was no “next Right One” after several years of dating in all forms (speed dating anyone?!).

My biological clock was ticking louder and louder.

I had moments of deep, profound fear at the thought of never becoming a mom. Moments when my blood would run cold imagining my life without a child. I had always wanted to be a mom. The thought that I wouldn’t be one absolutely terrified me.

So I began to dream a new dream, different than the one I had grown up with ~ the traditional nuclear family with two parents and 2.5 kids. This new dream would require me to take a huge leap of faith and dig deep to find my inner courage.

I made the decision to pursue motherhood on my own.

It was not a decision I undertook lightly. It wasn’t until after two to three years of soul searching, research, consideration, and prayer that I finally made the decision to become a Choice Mom. I also spent those years grieving the family I would never have in the way I had imagined as a young woman.

I was scared, but also beyond excited. I felt so empowered knowing that I could make my dreams come true.

Sure, life had thrown me a curve ball. My marriage and the ideal family I had envisioned evaporated in a matter of seconds. But, out of that experience, the seeds of a new dream had taken root. As I started to imagine a family of my own, I discovered an inner strength and courage that I never knew I had.

I was blessed with the birth of my amazing son two years ago.

My choice to pursue motherhood on my own was hands down the best decision of my life. It has not always been an easy road…but, of course, nothing worthwhile ever is.

Today, I look back and am so grateful that my life took the path it did. I can promise you that, when I was in so much pain 11 years ago, I never would have imagined that I would utter those words. In time, I have come to learn that things do happen for a reason. The key for all of us is to learn and grow from each experience.

I have been in your shoes. Divorced and struggling to find new dreams for a new life, whether they are motherhood, a new relationship, travel, financial security, buying a home. I am here to tell you that it is not only possible to recover from this devastating event, but to thrive and build a life full of endless possibilities. What are yours?!

Mark Twain said, “Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.” It takes courage to create a life different than what you imagined.

How much more of your today are you willing to waste on yesterday?

What can you commit to today to take a step forward to creating new dreams for your life?

From my inner courage to yours,

Susan Herrera

For information about Choice Mom resources or Susan’s life-changing Inner Courage process that will tell you in just 60-minutes EXACTLY how to break free from the pain of your divorce so you can finally move forward, feel happiness again and start rebuilding your life on your terms, please visit Unleash Your Inner Courage.

Susan is a Certified Professional Life Coach and an expert at helping women find their inner courage to rebuild a life they love after divorce. As Founder of “Unleash Your Inner Courage”, Susan uses a supportive and compassionate approach to partner with women to help them find the strength to move from pain to possibilities and start living a life they truly love after experiencing the life-altering event of divorce.

Through Susan’s powerful 7-Step Inner Courage Journey, she shares her own expertise and experience, plus the same powerful tools and strategies she used to recover from the pain of her own divorce, find happiness again and build a life she truly loves filled with endless possibilities!

Photo Credit: 2014© www.clipart.com

 

Wisdom From Divorce: Marriage May Not Mean A Happy Home

In the turmoil of the end of your marriage, it's reassuring to know that children of divorce can have happy homes too. The biggest factor in my divorces was my children and how it was going to affect them. I wanted my children to see a happy home and it didn't necessarily involve a marriage. ~ Kim Between the ages of 22 and 38, Kim Katz was married and divorced twice. She married for  third time … [Continue reading...]

Motherhood After Divorce

041914 Motherhood

If this inspires you, please subscribe for email updates: … [Continue reading...]

Parental Roles: How To Set Healthy Boundaries With Your Child

by Debbie Pincus MS LMHC People talk a lot about the need for “boundaries,” but what does this word really mean? As a parent, you can think of a boundary as the line you draw around yourself to define where you end and where your child begins. This isn’t always easy. And let’s face it, kids push the boundaries every day, all the time. They are wired to test us and see how far they can go; it’s in … [Continue reading...]

5 Tips To Preparing Your Separation Agreement

Having a formal agreement during your marital separation is smart

Guest post by Brandon Bernstein A separation agreement is a legally-binding contract between two spouses which dictates an array of chiefly financial terms and obligations when a couple agrees to live separately. This most commonly precedes a divorce, but that's not always the case, either. While a separation agreement is never a legal requirement for obtaining a divorce, in some states and … [Continue reading...]

Wisdom From Divorce: 50/50 Parenting Is Not For The Children

The trend today in parenting after divorce is equal time shared between both parents. Typically this is measured by the number of overnights the child has with each parent. While this may seem to fair to the parents, there's a growing movement that says it's not in the child's best interest. It's my belief, and I feel strongly about it , that going back and forth is not for the kid. It's for the … [Continue reading...]

Being In Denial

041214 Self Worth

If this inspires you, please subscribe for email updates: … [Continue reading...]