T and I both agreed that going through divorce is one of the lowest lows you’ll experience in your life. However, on the way to healing yourself, you can feel liberated, emboldened, open to new experiences…Here are T’s thoughts.
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My ex was over the other night and I walked in the house with a cup of Starbucks and I don’t drink coffee.
‘You’re drinking coffee?’ he said.
‘I know! What is going on with me?’ I said.
We just kind of laughed because he was saying he eats spinach now.
“You don’t eat spinach,’ I said.
‘I do now! Can you believe that?’ he asked.
It’s funny, I’ve known the guy for 20 years and I’m doing triathlons and he’s like, ‘You would never go running with me and now you’re doing triathlons!’
I think there’s something about that process of not really needing advice from someone else advice or permission to be who you are. I think when you’re in a marriage you ask your husband what he thinks about something whereas as a single person, you just do it.
I think there has to be some balance between who you are and who you are in a relationship. Yoga has taught me a lot about balance and I think we’re better people when we’re balanced. I think health-wise, we’re better when we’re balanced, we’re better when we eat balanced meals and maintain a good balance of exercise and diet. And we’re better in our lives when we have alone time and time with our kids.
There are single parents who are dating now and who very much want to still have that one-on-one time with their kids, outside of their new relationship. They’ll say, ‘I like being in a relationship but I miss that time when it’s just me and my kids.’
Another scary part about being in a new relationship is wondering if I’m going to have to give up these things I’ve discovered that I like about myself. Rascal lifts weights but he doesn’t do triathlons. He came to my last one and he was so proud and excited. It just made me feel good. It made me want to continue. My goal in this relationship is to hold on to who I am and not give it up again.
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I do like my time with my kids although it is challenging getting them both to agree to the same activity. I’ll be traveling back to England for my father’s funeral with my son – my daughter’s coming out a day later since her gymnastics team made it to state and she wanted to be there to support her teammates. Obviously I wish we weren’t going to England for the funeral but I am excited about traveling with just my son, just the two of us. He’s good company and it’ll be a good opportunity for us to converse.
As far as new or rediscoveries for me, I’ve started making my list … I started this blog … I’m learning about Buddhism … I started listening to music again … I’m laughing again … but I really do need to do more exercise. I can’t see myself running a marathon to run like Holly or doing a triathlon like T, maybe yoga or maybe badminton – I played a ton of that years ago and really enjoyed it. My big challenge is finding the time to fit it all in.
I believe stories have the power to change the world, opening us up to new possibilities and compassion for our fellow beings.
I believe by sharing our divorce stories we can help each other, make the process of ending your marriage less traumatic for others, create a greater acceptance for divorce and most importantly do our very best for our children.
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