Wisdom From Divorce: I Lost Myself In My Marriage

When your marriage is ending or is deeply troubled, don’t be surprised to find yourself thinking, “I lost myself in my marriage.” In my marriage, I had really lost myself. I had lost my confidence and I had allowed myself to believe that I wasn’t capable of many things. So it was almost surprising that […]

Wisdom From Divorce: Was My Marriage A Lie?

When your marriage ends because you discover your spouse has been deceiving you since the very beginning, you ask yourself, “Was my marriage a lie?”: The fact that he was cross-dressing behind my back is, to me, a betrayal on the worst level. It’s like my whole marriage was a lie. I feel honestly, that […]

Wisdom From Divorce: I’m Afraid Of Being Alone

Have you ever asked someone whose marriage is clearly troubled why they stay? Ever heard, “I’m afraid of being alone?” or “I’d rather stay married than be alone?” Coming out of marriage at thirty-six I felt fear and loneliness, the fear that I would never find a match that I would really love, ultimately on […]

Wisdom From Divorce: Divorce Makes You Face The Truth

Divorce is scary. It’s scary because it’s unfamiliar to most of us. It’s also scary because it has a way of stripping away all our protective layers. Divorce makes you face the truth about yourself: I feel that’s a great thing divorce does – it makes you really face truth, whatever that truth is for […]

Wisdom From Divorce: Is It Too Painful To See Your Ex?

Parenting is hard work and it’s even harder when it’s important to partner with your child’s other partner but it’s too painful to see your ex or for your ex to see you: The only time my ex and I had trouble was in the first two years after our divorce. I was devastated, he […]

Wisdom From Divorce: Develop Your Child’s Coping Skills

We all worry about the impact our divorce will have on our children. Working out the logistics and minimizing the conflict with your ex are two ways you can help your children. There’s something else you can do too: The part to focus on with kids and divorce, is how do we make sure that […]

Wisdom From Divorce: Confronting Your Fears

Going through divorce is hard not just because of all the dramatic changes but also because many of those changes mean confronting our fears. My therapist said, “I want you to close your eyes and tell me everything that scares you about you moving out and imagine that all of it happens, imagine all of […]

Wisdom From Divorce: The Silver Lining To Divorce

In all marriages there’s a division of labor and so when the marriage ends, it means you have to take responsibility for all those tasks your spouse used to do. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do it all – you may be able to find service providers to do some tasks-  but most […]

Wisdom From Divorce: Does Your Spouse Just Want Out?

Couples counseling or couples therapy is a standard recommendation for anyone whose marriage is in trouble. That does require a commitment from both partners and that isn’t going to work when one partner has already decided they’re done. He had made up his mind that this marriage was not where he wanted to be. He […]

Wisdom From Divorce: Missing The Red Flags

When relationships end, it’s often easy to look back and see red flags warning us that things were amiss, and yet we missed them at the time. I had no idea my husband was being unfaithful and I’m a pretty smart person. I’m a social worker. I’m used to people lying. I used to do […]