Online dating is pretty much a given for anyone looking to start dating after divorce. Plenty of people are successful finding a long-term partner but there are people who find a partner the old-fashioned way.
Stacey, my current guest has been divorced for about two years. She tried online dating but ended up meeting her current boyfriend through her divorce recovery group. Here’s Stacey:
I have a wonderful boyfriend now and we’ve been dating for over a year. Certainly life gives you some of the same problems, but the kindness and the ability to talk to one another, I’ve never experienced that much with a partner that I have with this man. So that’s pretty amazing.
I had met him through a friend, who unfortunately, had asked him out and they never went out. It was like a year past that and I asked her if she was OK with it and I don’t think she really was. I don’t think it had to do with him. I think it had to do with we were so close and now I was dating.
I didn’t want to ask him out. When I met him the first time, I didn’t even know he was cute, but somewhere along the line, talking to him and I was like, “Oh, I didn’t know he was cute.” There was some of that. I guess there was a lot of that, but I was more aware that this was someone I could play with, and maybe I wasn’t ready to be sexually driven and maybe I’m not. I mean, that’s part of me, but maybe for me it’s the stuff that happens with ideas.
We were at a restaurant, because the divorce group meets at Happy Hours and I had said something being witty. I just said that French fries were the food of the gods, and then he went on about that they create a lot of mischief and they need a lot of energy. And I was like, “Ahh.”
I don’t know if it’s chemistry. I would say repartee but maybe that is chemistry. I think it was Mars and Venus on a Date that said women—our love should grow like an oven. This is the first time I’ve experienced this. That’s growing. You need that kind of animal chemistry, but my comfort in the way we think, that happens right away.
I was coming off a dating that man that never got interesting and here was this man that could verbally play with me, was delightful.
This is an interesting segment for me … I’ve been struggling with online dating. My biggest problem is that I look at profile photos, don’t feel any attraction and so I don’t initiate any contact. I know it’s a numbers game and possibly I should just take a deep breath, and contact lots of matches. But frankly that sounds rather tedious.
While on vacation I’d decided to drop my eHarmony subscription and look to join activities that would help me meet people face-to-face. My youngest is a senior in high-school this year, becoming increasingly independent and that means I will have more free time in the evenings. Doing activities means there’s an opportunity to get to know people without being on a date and then, maybe, just like Cindy I’ll start to see someone as cute. And if not, then at least I’ll be enjoying myself. The other benefit to getting out and socializing more is that when my son goes off to college next year and I’m an empty-nester maybe the change won’t be so dramatic.
What’s your experience with chemistry? Is physical attraction something you need to feel right instantly or does it grow? What about online dating? Would you highly recommend it or do you have other suggestions?
This is the last segment in Stacey’s story and I’d like to thank her for sharing her journey – it may not be apparent to you reading this but there were elements of her story that were difficult for her to share publicly. That she did I know will help someone reading this.