Reader Question: Should you talk to your ex about dating?

I recently got this question from a reader: My counselor asked if my ex and I, who have been divorced for about 8 months, had discussed how we would handle dating with the kids. That's a conversation I couldn't even imagine having! How would you even open the discussion? Since I have not dated yet, it's not a topic I've broached with my ex and he hasn't raised it with me, which doesn't mean he's … [Continue reading...]

You control your happiness

Happiness

In yesterday's post, Divorce is a change not an end, Molly said she'd learned much about herself that she wouldn't have learned if she'd stayed married. She told me that her most significant learning centered around her happiness. Here's Molly: [contemplate1] I control my own happiness. No one else is responsible for it. I realized that I was in a lot of ways, while I was married, blaming my … [Continue reading...]

Divorce is a change not an end

Your perspective of divorce will change

One of my universal truths about divorce is that your perspective on divorce will change once you experience it. Os I wasn't surprised when my current guest, Molly author of the blog, Postcards from a Peaceful Divorce said her perspective of divorce had changed in a million ways. Here's Molly: [contemplate1] I don’t see divorce as a failure anymore. In fact, I think that sometimes it’s a hard … [Continue reading...]

Why Stay Friends With Your Ex?

Like so much else to do with post-divorce life, staying friends with your ex isn't a black and white issue and nor is it static. I've interviewed women who never speak to their ex either because the divorce was so acrimonious or because without children, they have no reason to talk. At the other end of the spectrum are ladies like Molly, who still count their ex as a friend. I asked Molly why … [Continue reading...]

You can still do family dinner nights after divorce

When my current guest, Molly mentioned that her ex still joins her and her children each week for Friday night family dinners, I was curious. I understood Molly wanted to see her ex as a good guy and was determined that her family was not going to 'broken' by divorce, but as Judy Osborne observed, some separations can be overly-friendly at first as each partner adjusts to the new boundaries. I … [Continue reading...]

Seeing your ex as the best dad in the world

Best Dad ever

My current guest, Molly works hard at seeing the good in her ex even when her first reaction is to be mad with him. That helps her keep and further develop their peaceful co-parenting relationship. Another way she practices this, is to look at her ex through the eyes of her kids, seeing him the way they see him. Here's Molly: [contemplate1] I think there’s nothing worse than when you bad-mouth … [Continue reading...]

Seeing your ex as a good guy

A different kind of kid's bike

One of the realizations many people come to soon after divorce, is that if you couldn't control your ex when you were living with him, then you certainly can't control him now and you have to be more trustful about his parenting decisions. For my current guest, Molly, that means being more prepared to "let things go" when they're not important enough to argue about. It also means consciously … [Continue reading...]