Hope you appreciated reading Nancy’s story. I’ll admit Nancy’s a little different from most of my guests in that she’s still in the early stages of life after divorce even though their marriage ended some three years ago. This reinforces that there is no magic timeline of where you should be when following divorce. It’s all about finding the pace that’s right for you. For me, much of the practical, everyday stuff and money management was easier once my divorce was final and I think I too would have felt in a state of limbo if I’d been in Nancy’s situation where her divorce is not yet final.
My takeaways from Nancy’s story are
- good decisions are not rooted in anger or hurt and decisions rooted in these emotions can actually harm our well-being.
- divorce creates uncertainty – most of us like certainty and stability so the more you can do to remove the uncertainty, the easier life will be and the quicker you’ll feel back on your feet.
- everyone needs a plan for financial self-sufficiency and the sooner the better.
My next guest is Jen - she lost absolutely everything as a result of her husband’s lies and gambling. Their world was crumbling down when he was diagnosed with cancer. He’s now cancer free and they are divorced. She’s come to accept that she doesn’t know the truth about everything that happened and probably never will but she knows she’s secure now rebuilding a life for herself and her three young boys.
From around the web:
Belinda Etezad Rachman talks about Grandparents and Divorce – this is actually an old post but given my reader question about grandparent etiquette I thought I’d mention it.
Another Huffington Post article, this one from Jeffrey Landers – 9 Critical Steps Women Should Take To Prepare For Divorce – all good steps and I think they would apply equally to men and women. I would add a tenth step – build your budget. Armed with this you’ll know what your daily/monthly living expenses are. A budget will help you know where you can afford to live, how much income you need from a job and also if there’s not enough income to cover expenses.
Then another post from Molly at Postcards from a Peaceful Divorce – Cupid’s Arrows is a humorous reflection about online dating – it baffles me why anyone would contact you and tell you they thought your profile was dumb. Really? BTW I’m excited to tell you that Molly’s generously agreed to share her life after divorce story so that’ll be coming soon.
From Alicia Harper, My son’s father, my ex … Yes, I pray for him – this touched me because there are many things I wish my ex would do differently for our children. However, somewhere between the parent you wish your ex would be and the parent he/she is, lies acceptance of who he/she is. Standard advice is not to share your wishes with your child but you can be a good listener if and when your child gets frustrated and you can empathize with him.
This is a BIG weekend for me … my daughter is turning eighteen. It seems this is a bigger deal in England, where I grew up, than here – high school graduation seems to be the event to celebrate here. It is also her last piano recital on Sunday. It’s not that I don’t want this to happen. I know this is all part of growing up and yet it’s unsettling. Things are shifting. At times it makes me sad – she’s definitely not a little girl any longer and yet I’m deeply contented – I know I’m biased but I love the young woman she’s becoming. My heart is bursting with the love I feel for her. My pet name for her is “Sweetheart” and she’ll be my sweetheart forever.
Wishing you all a fabulous weekend,