When pregnancy means divorce

Ann Rouse had been with her husband for about 17 years, married for 13, when she unexpectedly found she was pregnant. That was the catalyst for their divorce.

I didn’t think I could have kids. We didn’t go as far as getting fertility coaching but one of my doctors had told me I couldn’t have kids so I didn’t pursue it. I thought if we were supposed to, then we’re supposed to and if we’re not, we’re not. I’d already pretty much decided our marriage was over. Then we had a reconciliation weekend and I got pregnant.

Then I struggled with does this mean I’m supposed to stay? We started talking about things and it was clear to me that I had to get out. I realized I was really unhappy for several years prior to my getting pregnant. I was a workaholic, staying away from home, involved in the union at work and I didn’t want to admit how unhappy I was. Getting pregnant made me realize, ‘This isn’t going to work. I’ve got to do something because I can’t be a bad mom.’

My parents were divorced when I was about six. I grew up in a pretty unhappy household and my siblings and I at one point made a vow that we would break the chain and stop raising unhappy kids. The thought of being like my mom and being miserable in a marriage and being a miserable, mean mother was more important to me than worrying about possibly raising a child on my own. I am so proud of myself for leaving the marriage because I have several friends who are as miserable as I was. They’re just too afraid to get out of the relationship. I’m so thankful I wasn’t too afraid to be alone.

I do believe in marriage and I do believe that children benefit from having both parents involved. However, I don’t believe in staying in a marriage ‘for the sake of the children’ and sometimes it really is better for the children for their parents to separate. I think Ann took a brave and courageous step to end her marriage when she became pregnant. The good news is her ex is an active co-parent and Ann says that’s one of her success stories. Come back tomorrow to find out how she’s managed that.