When putting yourself first means divorce

Kristen first visited a divorce attorney when her youngest daughter was just six weeks old but it was two more years before she and her husband separated. I asked Kristen what helped her to make her decision to end the marriage.

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I’ve always felt that I would finally gain the strength to make myself happy. I had a problem with always trying to make everyone else happy and what would people think of me if I divorced him with two children? I never put myself first. I always put the feelings of other people first.

Then last year, a relative lost his fight with cancer. He was young, married with two kids, very similar in ages to my kids. I remember going to the services, walking up to my uncle, bursting into tears and leaning on his shoulder, crying. He whispered in my ear, ‘just be happy and enjoy every minute of your life here because it goes very fast.’

It was that moment that I knew that what I was doing was right. It was about putting my life first and being happy, about living my life and living in each moment. Knowing that a happy mom is a better mom, I think that sealed it for me. I’ll never forget that day.

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I am writing this Monday afternoon to publish Tuesday – that’s not important but it may help you understand the timing of what I have to say.  I woke this morning to a phone call. It was my sister from England and I knew immediately something was wrong. She told me my father had passed away a few hours earlier – it was sudden and unexpected. He’d walked into the kitchen, given my step-mom a kiss, collapsed and died. It’s been a sad day around here and the news still hasn’t sunk in. It’s hard for me believe I’ll never see him again, never talk to him again. It’s hard to accept that he’s gone with no warning, no words of goodbye.

So with my heavy heart, I sat down to write this post and as I read through my notes, I read the quote from Kristen’s uncle and cried. What more is there to say?